Tuesday, March 21, 2017

The Legendary Story of How My Great Uncle Foy Payne Lost His Testes in 'Nam

      My great uncle Foy Payne fought back in 'Nam.  A green beret and a dedicated soldier, Foy fought like hell and killed many of those danged Vietnamese before Nixon pulled 'em out. He never had any of his own biological kids, bless his soul, all because of one legendary but tragic incident which ended up forcing him to lose his testes.The story goes something like this.
      Back in 'Nam, Foy did many dangerous parachuting combat missions to get over enemy territory. One day, Foy went out on a parachuting mission with his squadron to go right into the thick of the opposing Vietnamese forces. Foy was slightly nervous; after all, this could be his last mission if things didn't go well. But Foy was no green thumb, and he was ready to give those Vietnamese hell if he was gonna die. Foy buckled up his parachute, got in his plane, and prepared for takeoff with the rest of his squadron. Soon all of the squadron fighters were in the air. Foy's plane flew right over enemy lines. Guns a-blazin', Foy's pilot maneuvered the plane to a spot in the jungle where the Vietnamese hadn't set up any camps or bases. Foy said his prayers and jumped out of the plane, released his parachute, and started floating down. Unfortunately, he slightly missed the clearing he was aiming for and he came right smack down onto a limb high up in a tree. Foy was immediately hit by searing pain from his groin area; he looked down and saw blood. It turns out Foy had landed on the branch in such a way that he had partly torn his pants and his balls off. "God damn this cursed country!" screamed Foy. The pain was unbearable. Foy soon passed out. Days later, Foy woke up to find the medic was forced to remove his testes after he was luckily found by a fellow soldier in the tree hours later. The time Foy had spent in the tree made him lose a lot of blood, and he was forced to stay in the camp for a few weeks to recover. When he finally got back out onto the battlefield, Foy went as a combat soldier: he was done parachuting for good. Now Foy fought even more fiercely than before; he was more moved to give fighting his all. Now Foy fought for his country- and for the sake of his poor old testes that he lost in that jungle.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Marxian Principles Governing Meme Economies

Our lad, Karl Marx, once asserted that the the ruling class, or bourgeoisie, maintained their power through the ownership and manipulation of the means of production.
While this might not be the case in real world economics (e.g.: Weber claims that social classes are determined by consumption patterns, rather than production), this Marxian principle surely applies to the greater meme economy. 
The truly powerful Meming Bourgeoisie is strictly confined to three types of individuals:
  1. Those who accrue rare, esoteric memes to distribute to a large, less-enlightened audience
  2. Those who make original memes
  3. Those who remix the original memes of others to improve and mass produce them

The majority of power wielded by Memers lies within those three super-classes. 

One might be tempted to argue that, those who make original memes are the highest class; however, this is simply not the case. Those who make memes, while powerful and sacred, are usually not the same ones in the absolute seat of power. Many meme makers do not have the ability or means to effectively distribute their memes to the hungry populous. Therefore, it is the ones who distribute the memes to the masses who hold the true power. 

     I was getting out of my car at the gas station to buy a can of Monster for 3.50 and cheetos flamin' hot for 2.29 when I put on my m...