First Cigars

I bought my first cigar shortly after I turned 18. A friend and I zipped to a local cigar shop after school, and purchased two sub-three dollar cigars. We left the shop in a mild fit of anger, on account of not being carded.
We enjoyed the ciggies two days later at the arboretum, a smoke-free facility. Since the day was a cold Novemberboi, we were freezing our tits off, but couldn't rip fatties in our cars. Therefore, we ventured deep into the interior. First, we set up camp on a bench, but it was too close to the path, so we went even deeper. We rambled into the woodland trails, and sat down on a long log. A Californiaboi & a Georgia lad were also in attendance, but did not partake, since they were not of age at the time.
I enjoyed mine with a cup of McD's black coffee. Went to our gay-arse school, and felt like real "g"s. Stupid and [removed for the sake of modernity].
This is a cringey snapshot into the graduated process of adolescence among the suburban youth.

Return to University: Day 1 of Hiding Power Levels

>Be Me
>second semester at university
>managed to get all my classes on one day, so it's gonna be a pretty busy day
>get to first class; it's a math class. professor is a typical math professor

>sit down at a table and pull out my sexy duel-boot Lenovo Ideapad
>It's bigger, faster, and stronger too

>girl across the way judgingly stares at my Initial D sticker on the back cover
>I in return judgingly stare at all her basic white girl stickers astrewn with no organization whatsoever across the back of her 
>Room is literally 30 degrees warmer than the rest of the building
>everyone has broken out in sweat by the end of class
>fastforward a few classes
>teacher is now a Turkish Grad student from *Cough* Constantinople *Cough*, except, she doesn't call it that. 
>Guess I'll have to wear something over my "Make Istanbul Constantinople Again" Shirt in that class

>Make it to Spanish Class
>Somehow tested out of 3 levels of Spanish; I can understand it pretty well, but I'm crap at speaking it
>mfw the entire class is going to be spoken in Spanish
>mfw the teacher looks at me and pretty much says she doesn't have a clue how I got into this class and I'll have to work my tail off if I want a passing grade
>mfw Idk if I can drop the class without losing money but I'm too stingy to lose even 10% so I decide to stick with it
>get to writing
>teacher is that girl who got a job at the library and reads or watches Netflix all day
>"Okay, I want to get to konw all of you better, so let's play a game where you all tell me who you would eat dinner with if you could eat dinner with anyone, alive or dead!"
> HITL-- NO, STOP, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT
>mfw I realize the first person my mind goes to is Hitler
>THINK OF ANYONE OTHER THAN HIM
>I've got it!
>"purely for the meme, I'd eat dinner with Nicholas Cage"
>No reaction whatsoever
>shucky darns, This is a great way to start

All in all it should be a halfway descent semester. I dropped out of Spanish so  everything is looking good... for now

End of Chapel

He scornfully observes the children spilling out of the chapel. From his lofty vantage point, he can view their subconscious group movements. Unbound by hastily made contracts with traditionalist academic institutions, he does not have to attend chapel.

The library offers feelings of knowledge and grandeur: safety through silence. It also offers floor to ceiling windows and a temporary aura of superiority over his seniors.

He shifts uncomfortably, knowing that within minutes of chapel dismissal, dozens of kids will pour into the library to study, research, and perform other eternally meaningless tasks.

His misgivings are validated: an overweight incel chooses to sit down with only one desk between them. Out of the nine or so desks he could have chosen, this scrub elects to plop his genetically poor, anglo-saxon, disease prone body one desk away. Female dog please.

Work SUCCcess Stories: Part 1

> Be me.
> Get an angry call from a woman.
> She says the copier has been broken for days.
> I've been ignoring her emails all week because I've been playing Minecraft on my Nintendo Switch.

> I tell her I called it in to Xerox.
> (I didn't.)
> I sneak my way over to her office.
> The plan is to impersonate the Xerox guy I told her I called because she only knows my voice; she > doesn't have a clue what I look like.
> As I'm walking in, someone else from her office catches me.
> "Hey Xerox guy!" he says.
>  I don't lie, I just say "I'm here to fix the copier."
> I honestly think the thing is going to be completely screwed. I'm going to get caught and chewed out for waiting so long.
> I walk behind the machine to see that it is unplugged.
> I plug the copier in.
> The office becomes very excited.
> I get a call from the lady apologizing for being harsh and she blames the Xerox guy for being late.

All according to plan