A Homeschool Manifesto from the archives

A SEEMINGLY POETIC

Manifesto

how do you spell that again? i forgot… -Wyatt

SPELL WHAT? - love, isaac

Sometimes i write poems

behold i am not below ‘em

i spit rhymes so hot

burn you worse than a tater tot

that’s right, my rhymes are delicious

you can’t spit it you’re too plush

that almost rhymed

less words and i would’ve mimed

this is the theory of rap

spit cuss and tap

words that make a story ya?

that a secondary euphoria

-love CJ

Cigarettes will kill your tongue

and scar your lungs

But other things can blow your mind

like curtis rhyme

-love D’Souza

I was quoting a poem the other day

about how everything is okay

if you’re okay with yourself in every way

you know what you do must be true

you know that what you want is blue

but if you don’t know what you want I can’t help you

^^^not written by us

^^^that’s a reference to a racist organization. RACIST #KKK

~~~~THESIS STATEMENT FOR MANIFESTO: LIFE IS TOUGH. GET OVER IT, MAN.~~~~

The Following muggs Contributed To This Beautiful Manifesto, Which Has Not Yet Started:

• Wyatt Will
• Curtis “CJ” Howland
• Top Kek
• Priest of Kek
• Chester the Molester

PART II

Life is tough. Life is tough for most people. Some people have it easy, but most of us ain’t in that group. In fact, life is so tough, this part of the essay is called part II, even though there was never a part I. Sad, I know. :(

PART III

There is no part IV.

PART V

Almost everyone agrees with part II of the manifesto, unless they have an easy life. However, nobody can really do anything about their lot in life. Unless they’re choosing to live a hard life.

Example of someone trying to live a hard life:

Jim was a man. Until he cut off his testicles. Then he was just kind of there. #stupidity #prochoice #balls #orlackthereof

PART VI

This is a short story about a walrus. Walrus was a walrus. He lived the the cold, forgotten north. Every summer tons of vodka invigorated Russians went up north to get them some walrus meat. Walrus had to hide from them. One day, Walrus saw some fat Russians eating fried chicken on the beach. He wanted fried chicken very much. He waddled up onto the beach to where they were sitting. They were so drunk they did not see him until he was diving into the waves with a tub of golden crispy fried chicken. crack! crack! went the shotguns. rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat! went the machine guns. Ygorvski Vladhazovitch! went the Russians. plop went Walrus. Walrus’s bullet studded carcass floated lifelessly to the surface. One particularly intoxicated Russian lept into the frigid Arctic ocean to retrieve the tub of soggy chicken. That was the end of the line for Walrus.

PART VII

(In reference to PART VI) What does the story of Walrus have to do with this manifesto? Nothing. It was included to poke fun at Russians. Nothing more; nothing less. Are all Russians like the ones depicted in PART VI? Yes. This manifesto contains nothing but the truth. Not even sarcasm. **** sarcasm. Who uses sarcasm anyway? Russians. Like how the author brought the topics of Russians and sarcasm together? Only Russians use sarcasm. #repetioniskey

PART IIX (or VIII)

You might be wondering where all this random stuff is going.

Keep on wondering. Not even the authors know.

PART IX

(In reference to PART V) You should be able to feel good music in your [this portion has been removed for various reasons]. If you have none; that’s unfortunate. Sexist.

PART X

Spend most of your time with the beautiful people. Become like them. Then go back to the ugly people, where you can be a leader. Also, beautiful people tend to stick together, so if you make friends with one, you’ll be friends with all. It also helps to be a beautiful person in the first place. A small group of beautiful people gets more stuff than a huge group of ugly people.

Then there is the middle ground. These people are neither beautiful nor ugly. Most people fit in this category. It is not a bad place, but it is pretty boring.

PART XI

Wow to part IX. That is a pretty weird part. A basic synopsis of this manifesto so far is that it is weird. For more information on this, please read part VIII or IIX. Also wow to part V, that little feller hits hard early on!!

PART XII

This part (PART XII) concludes the part part of the manifesto. The parts were an attempt to impart knowledge, however they departed from their original path by discussing some weird random stuff. Thank you.

Inferno

Huey grew up in Booklyn. He had lived there his entire life there, and so he died there. Huey got married and had two sons. He worked at a hot dog factory with Tupac/Ghandi in an oppressed neighborhood. One day, Huey said,

"It's time to fight back!" Two shots in the dark-- Huey's dead. You see, the old way wasn't working. Huey lived on, however, reborn in his two sons.

La Reincarnacion

First off, if u dont like comic sans, gtfo. We only like real leftists  

2. If ur not a Trotskyite also gtfo. Ur not a real leftist

3. We only like Che Guevara bc he spilled the blood of capitolast pigs and had good hair

                                      

Three Lessons from "Everyman"

Lessons from Everyman

      Everyman, an English work of writing with no known author, is a tale about the hour of death. On the brink of death, Everyman has three friends: Good-deeds, Fellowship, and Kindred. He is later lead to Knowledge and Confession who give him the wisdom he needs to finally pass away. There are many lessons that can be learned from Everyman, some of which are the following.
      Firstly, Everyman teaches that death comes to everyone, and is not expected. In the story, Death comes to Everyman when he least expects it and without any warning for preparation. Everyman even tries to reason with Death for more time, but to no avail. Because of Death's untimeliness, Everyman is left fearful and hurried. Knowing the nature of death, we should always live our lives as though it is our last day.

      Everyman also teaches that earthly possessions are only temporary and do us no good afterwards. As the story progresses, Everyman finds that the only friend that can help him in God's judgement is Good-deeds. Though good deeds alone obviously do not get us into heaven (only repentance of our sins to Jesus Christ can do that), the moral still stands. As Good-deeds puts it,

“All earthly thing is but vanity, Beauty, Strength, and Discretion, do man forsake, Foolish friends and kinsmen, that fair spake, All fleeth save Good-deeds, and that am I.”

      Lastly, Everyman shows us that we should seek forgiveness and repent of our sins. After Conversing with Knowledge and Good-deeds, Everyman does eventually come to repent, allowing Good-deeds to help him. At the end of the story, the doctor speaks, telling how all of Everyman's friends (Beauty, Five-wits, Strength, and Discretion) have abandoned him, but Good-deeds went with him. After death, it is too late for us to “make amends” and repent. We must decide while we are here on earth to make the change in our lives and repent of our sins.

      Everyman is definitely a religious story, as its morals follow many Christian ideas. It would be safe to assume that there is a Catholic background to it as well, considering the different aspects of Good-deeds and also Knowledge who speaks of Everyman suffering for his repentance. Altogether, Everyman is a very well put together story with excellent personification and poetry. 

Scorched Earth

"Oh, Kek, aide us in our time of need,

For the age of Pepe is nigh,

and Kek has rained his blessings on his lowly servants"

It is with this simple prayer that I embark onto the battle field. Twitter is hell, and I am a sinner straight from purgatory.
 Have you ever been gang-raped by a raging throng of social justice warriors? I have. I tried to fight, but evidently it was not Kek's will that I emerge unscathed.
 I use my experience from that tragic incident to teach rookie memers how to survive the rigors of the meme war.
 Technically, the war is over, but scattered pockets of miscreants remain. This remnant must be crushed into the dust like a lemon rind under the wheel of a large bicycle. One heroic, redpilled lad cannot fight them alone; they will swallow him.

Call thy comrades, for the battle is not yet won.

A Guide on How to Collect Rare Pepes

     In case you've been living under a rock for the past 10 years, Pepe (see above) is a beloved frog all over the internet. No exceptions. Pepe has been a trend on the internet for quite some time, but it wasn't until a few years ago that we began to see the emergence of rare Pepes. 

     ~What is a Rare Pepe?

     

     Well you see, Pepe comes in many shapes and forms. Pepe is not just a bloated frog; he is a symbol. A legend. A prophet. Pepe is so much more. while all of us have seen pepe in his common form, other more uncommon forms may be found across the internet. The first of these forms to appear was smug Pepe, which has since then become a common Pepe not worth much on the Pepe market. 

Most common Pepe. Not at all rare and only used by normie scum today.

     ~BUT WAIT, you say. WHAT MAKES A PEPE RARE?

     The rarity of a Pepe truely lies in its beholder. A Pepe is made rare by its ability to lurk and remain hidden on the interwebs. While some rare Pepes may be stale and common in, for instace, /pol/ of 4chan, to your local newspaper's website and those who use it, a Pepe could be extremely rare. This variation of rarity allows those who collect Pepes to more easily trade and distribute them for favors, gambling, posts, or literally any number of purposes.

     Some Pepes are so rare that they are protected by copyright from being downloaded or redistributed. It is up to you whether or not you are willing to take the risk to add some rarity to your collection. I recommend viewing The Rules of the Internet for further information.

     ~How do I Find/Collect Rare Pepes?

Finding Rare Pepes can be quite a challenge at times. After the Great Dankening of early 2016, the Pepe market grew significantly, lowering the values of many rare Pepes. By the end of the Great Meme War of 2016, the Pepe market was completely flooded, and finding a truly rare Pepe became almost impossible. 

     There are, however, still some to be found. 

Imageboards are excellent places to find rare Pepes, because there is a constant influx of images going in and out. Many of the Pepe creators reside in such places, cranking out new Pepes and varying paces. The King of Fresh Memes™ 4chan's Politically Incorrect was the main resource for rare Pepes during the Great Meme War, and continues to be a great place to hunt for rare Pepes today.* Other imageboards include (but are not limited to) Twitter, Imgur, and 3rd party sites used for hosting rare Pepes. 

*Stay safe on sites like 4chan. Like anywhere on the internet, you never quite know what you will find that will trigger the NSA and get you a death sentence. 

     Once you find a rare Pepe, you may then download the image onto your device of choosing, keeping it in a safe place. Many friends like to show off and exchange their Rare Pepes, so be prepared to pull yours out at any time if you plan on sharing. 

Because we're not completely heartless, I'll even link you to our Super Secret Private Reserve of Rare Pepes to start your collection with. Happy Hunting! 

Cold Coronitas

In all my years in Vietnam, I never saw more war than I have on twitter for the past year. I've been hiding in my basement, stocking up rations. Cheryl thinks I'm an idiot, but I think she can go to hell with Hillary Clinton. Cheryl brings me food twice a day, and I stay busy fighting the war.

Sometimes the flashbacks get too strong, and I have to drink a few coronitas to cool me down. I don't want to have seizures all the time, so I removed all the lights in my basement. All except my PC and the light in the fridge. That one turns on when I open it.

I've made a death ray machine to keep my Latino neighbors at bay when the civil war carries into the streets. I tried getting Cheryl into 4chan, but it scarred her, and she thinks I need to see a physician.

Physicians are used by the government to influence the people, to turn them gay. I think Cheryl wants me to turn gay so she can leave me.

Statutes Preceding over the Governance of Lads

100 First and Foremost Rules

Of Chat
1. Do not talk about the chat

2. You DO NOT talk about the chat

2nd. Remember its better to come in 2nd place

3. We are farmers. bum ba dum dum dum dum dum

3.14159265359. We are the Lads. Expect Us.

4. The Lads are Legion. The Lads are under omertà.

5. The Lads do not forgive. The Lads do not forget.

6. The Lads can be a horrible, senseless, uncaring monster.

6. 241592653589793238462643383279502888394338799146210... Didn't expect them!

7. We still delivered.

8. There are no real rules about posting in the chat.

9. Always register with your local service provider. They definitely aren't selling your personal information to the NSA, the Zucc and China.

10. There are no rival chats.


Of  Intellectual Discourse
11. All your carefully pick arguments can easily be ignored.

11.1. Anything you say, no matter how truthful or carefully picked, WILL be deemed wrong if the majority is against you.

11.2 Anything you say, no matter how truthful or carefully picked, WILL be deemed wrong if you are debating a girl.

12. Anything you say can and WILL be used against you.

13. Anything you say can be turned into something else. - fixed

14. Do not argue with trolls — it means that they win.

15. The harder you try, the harder you will fail.

15.1 You can't win em all. Accept this and take some fails.

16. If you fail in epic proportions, it may just become a winning failure.

17. Every win fails eventually.

18. Everything that can be labeled, can be hated.

19. The more you hate it, the stronger it gets.

20. Nothing is to be taken seriously.

20.2. Because nothing is a serious matter. Everything else isn't. No exceptions.

20.3. Except for rule 2719hex.

20.20 Rainbow Dash is about 20% cooler than you.

20.21. Zeal is about 23% cooler than you.


Of Originality
21. Original content is original only for a few seconds before getting old.

22. Copy 'n paste is made to ruin every last bit of originality.

23. Copy 'n paste is made to ruin every last bit of originality.

24. Every repost is always a repost of a repost.

25. Relation to the original topic decreases with every single post.

26. Any topic can be turned into something totally unrelated.

27. You will never get credit for anything you create or post on the internet. No exceptions.


Of Interwebian gender roles
28. Always question a person's gender - just in case it's really a man.

29. On the internet, all girls are men, and all kids are undercover FBI agents or Justice Decoys.

30. There are NO girls on the internet.

30.1. Rule 30 only applies to the deep internet.

30.2. If girls are found on the deep internet, CODE RED, RED ALERT, ALL SYSTEMS BREACHED!

31. It is gay to like men. No exceptions.

31.1 Women are attracted to men. Therefore, they are gay. No exceptions.

31.2 Lesbians do not exist. No exceptions.

31.3 Wait so if women are attracted to men (which makes them gay) then dating a woman makes you gay?

31.4 Your gender philosophy is gay. No exceptions.


On Reality and The World
32. If you don't have photos of it, it didn't happen. Photos are ESSENTIAL to back up all evidence. (see rule 32.5) No Exceptions.

32.5 All your pictures were obviously Photoshopped. No Exceptions.

32.6 I can tell from some of the pixels and from having seen a lot of shops in my day.

32.7. The shadows are ALL WRONG! Definitely Photoshopped.

32i. I'm cool. See rule i.


The Golden Rule of Posting
33. Lurk more — it's never enough.


RULE 34 INTERNET RULE 34
34. Disturbingly enough, there is porn of it, no exceptions. rule 34 of the internet what is rule 34 zelda pokemon rule 34, south park rule 34, reddit rule 34

34.2. There are ponies of it, no exceptions.

34.3. If it exists, there's an app for it.

34.4. If it exists, there is a YouTube of it.

34.4x2. If it exists, there is a Lego of it.

34.5. If it isn't in Minecraft, there is a crafting idea video of it.

34.6. If it exists, there is a parody of it on YouTube.

34.7. If it exists, there is a Pokemon based on it.

34.8. There is dubstep of it, no exceptions.

34.9 If it is a real name, there is a Sonic the Hedgehog™ fan version of it.

34.34. Everything IRL is on the internet.

34.99. There is a mario paint composer version of it.

35. If no porn is found of it, it will be made. rule 35 of the internet

35.2. If no pony is found of it, it will be made.

35.3. If there is no app for it, it will be made.

35.4. If no poop is found, it will be pooped.

35.4x2. If there is no Lego of it, then make one.

35.5. If it is in Minecraft, the crafting idea video will be shoved into the farthest corners of YouTube.

35.6. If there is no parody of it, make one.

35.7. If there is no Pokemon based on it, there is/will be a Anymon based on it.

35.8. If no dubstep is found of it, it will be made.

35.9 If no hedgehog is found of it, it will be made.

35.35. If it is not on the internet it must be by midnight.

35.99. If no mario paint composer version is found of it, it will be made.

35∞. The number of objects and situations yet to be porn-ified spontaneously decreases over time.

36. There will always be more drama than what you just saw.


Certitudes of Kek
37. You can not divide by zero (just because the calculator says so). internet rule

37. John Cena can divide by Zero.

37.2. Xero Chance can divide by Zero.

37.3. Rick Sanchez can divide by zero. He can break the 4th wall as canon. What can't he do?

38. No real limits of any kind apply here — not even the sky.

38.5 Don't drop that thun thun thun. No exceptions.

38.702. Rule 38.5 is false. Don't drop that Dedenne.

39. CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL.

40. EVEN WITH CRUISE CONTROL YOU STILL HAVE TO STEER.

41. Needs more Desu. No exceptions.

41.2. Scroll down.

41.3. ALL THE WAY.

42. Nothing is Sacred.

43. The more beautiful and pure a thing is, the more satisfying it is to corrupt it. rule 43

44. Trying to edit the rules of the Internet with Japanese characters is like trying to make “2 girls, 1 cup” acceptable in society. It only works at A-con.

45. When one sees a lion, one must get into the car.

46. A single stick is snapped as a twig but a faggot is not so easily broken.

47. The pool is always closed due to AIDS (and stingrays, which also have AIDS).

47.2. YOU ARE FOOL!

47.3. THE CONSEQUENCES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!

48. A cat is fine too.

49. One cat leads to another.

50. Another cat leads to Zippo Cat.

51. No matter what it is, it is somebody's fetish. No exceptions.

52. It is delicious cake. You must eat it.

53. It is delicious trap. You must hit it.

53.2. The trap broke the lazah.

54.2. And today.

54.3. So does America.


On the begetters of the Statutes
55. If you have time to make up new rules, you have no life.

55.2. Except for me.

55.3. If you have no life, you do not exist. Therefore, your rule does not exist if you do not exist. No exceptions.

55.4. The rules were created by people who do not exist, so the rules do not exist. No Exceptions.

55.5. Although the rules do not exist, logic exists. The rules = logic. Therefore the rules do exist. No Exceptions.

55.5.2 Since the rules exist by logic, then the rules have always existed. No Exceptions.

55.5.3 So the creation of your rule is only a repost of science. (See rule 24)

55.6. If Rule 55 applies to you, then the lads welcome you.

56. They will not bring back Snacks.

57. You will never have sex.

57.2. I just had sex and it felt so good. (See rule 82)

59. No one does it like Gaston. No exceptions.

60. It needs more pumpkin. No exceptions.

60.1. What pumpkin?

60.2. It doesn't matter as long as you give him the butter.

61. It needs more cowbell. No exceptions.

62. It has been cracked and pirated. No exceptions.

62.2. The previous rule does not apply to Pokémon X and Y.

62.3. The previous rule is null and void if you have a gateway 3DS card

63. For every male character there is a female version. No Exceptions.

63.2. For every female character there is a male version. No Exceptions.

63.3. For every asexual character there is a version for each sex. No Exceptions.

63.4. Rules 63, 63.2 and 63.3 does not include real people. (Too much work. No Exceptions.)

63.5. Real people are ruled unworthy.

63.6. Rules 63.4 and 63.5 are lies. Real people can and will be gender-bent. No exceptions.

64. Don't copy that floppy. rule 64 number

65. Anonymous is not your personal army.

66. The cake is a lie.

66.2. The lie is a cake.

66.3. That's not what your mother said last night when I stopped by.

66.4. The lie is SINGULARITY!

66.5. The cake is a liar.

66.6. THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST!

66.7. Iron Maiden is awesome. No exceptions.

66.8. Unless you are GLaDOS.

66.9. Maybe GLaDOS is a lie. You'll never know.

66.10. Even if GLaDOS is a lie AFH is still truth. Refer to rule 334.3 and rule 93.

67. We do not "buy", the downloads.

68. Milhouse will never be a meme. Ever. No matter what your post ends with. No exceptions. Ever. No.

68.2. However, "Milhouse is not a meme" is a meme.

68.3. It is undecided whether ' "Milhouse is not a meme" is a meme' is a meme or not.

68.4. Refer to rule 899899

68.5. Rules 68, 68.2, and 68.3 define falsity, truthiness, and ambiguity. So by definition, Milhouse is not a meme.

69. LOL SIXTY NINE AMIRITE?

69.2. If your question ends with "AMIRITE?", the answer will never be yes.

70. Do not forget about St. Anon of /pol/.

71. The internet is SERIOUS BUSINESS.

71.∞. The internet is better than you.

72. Darth Vader is your father. No exceptions.

72.2. Except for Ash. NO ONE knows who Ash's father is. Not even his mother.

73. If there isn't enough just ask for Moar.

75. Rule 75 is a lie.

76. Twinkies are the answers to life's problems.

76.2. Disregard rule 76.1, the creator was gay. Twinkies are back. They will always be back. No exceptions.

77. The internet makes you stupid.

77.7. Rule 77 is false. You are not necessarily stupid, just incomprehensible.

78. It will always need more sauce.

80. TheLegend27 did it. No exceptions.

81. It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission. No exceptions.

82. Nobody tells the truth on the Internet

83.2. Only mental slugs edit Star Wars.

83.4. Han shot first

84. All rules ARE true, including this one.

84.2. These rule, therefore, are rule 478-compliant.

85. Stupid rules are forbidden.

86. The term "sage" does not refer to the spice.

87. If she breathes...

87.2 SHE'S A THOOOOOOOT!!!!!!

88.1 Cheese pizza is the best pizza. No exceptions.

88.2 Sorry, all I got were shrooms, but we can still get high right?

88.3 But you know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in Paris?

88.4 A Royale wid' Cheese.

89. Anonymous rules the internet. No exceptions.

90. Bruce Lee was a hero to us all.

91. Chemicals in the water will turn the freaking frogs gay.

92. Always expect the unexpected, or else the unexpected may be expected.

93.2. This is not rule 93. This is rule 93.2., and rule 93 was not here.

93.3. Rule 899 is rule 93. (This is not)

93.4. Fagicorn deleted the real rule 93.

93.5. Rekt.

93.6. Get it.

93.7. The above rules are rule 93 pro tempore

93.8. AT LAST! We found rule 93! Everything makes sense now and the balance of the universe is restored!

93.9. To the writer of rule 93.8: no it isn't.

94. This is rule 94. It was definitely not deleted by SOPA.

95. Anonymous did NOT, under any circumstances, tk him 2da bar?

96. If you express astonishment at someone's claim, it is most likely just a clever ruse.

97. The government, the CIA, and everything is a lie.

97.2. The NSA is out to get you, no exceptions.

98. Only Zippocat is truth.

99. All numbers are at least 100 but always OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAND.

100. Gay will not be tolerated.